sigur ros - untitled #1 (vaka)

I am amazed by this band. Sigur Ros changed the way I listen to music. This video breaks my heart. Their music is so passionate and beautiful.

"I only wanted to be wonderful and wonderful is true in truth I only wanted to be wanted by you."

Here is my what I have to say on this issue. I must give it from the perspective that I have come to live. I would like to start by saying in no way does appearance define any single person who is worth talking a second of time. I would then contend to give the main reasons for my actions in response to the question, what would possess a 21-year-old college student to shave his head in the middle of one of the coldest states in the continental US in the middle of winter. To this I respond with the following contentions, First my frustration of material culture, second the practicality of being bald, and finally that I am honoring the best man I ever hope to know, my grandpa.

First of all we live in a culture that is defined by appearance, I am striving to get beyond this by being a catalyst for a movement so some will take notice. I believe it is Jack Johnson who put to verse, "These clothes can keep us warm just like those, but what about your heart is it gold?"

Being a male and losing my hair could be a traumatic event. I know it sounds crazy but studies have shown that many men have suffered from depression from receding hairlines, or thinning hair. I would like to say I am above this but I have been caught up for a time in wanting to have someone else’s hair. This all stems from pressure from other people. I have heard it all in my time it is usually three or four times a week, "Getting a little thin up there", or "you have more hair on your face than on your head." And best friends saying, "check out my best friend he is balding at 21." And on and on.

In fact it is everyone else’s obsession with the issue that is bothering me the most. I have come to accept and embrace it. It is like being born tall; short, with blue, brown eyes. It is from being stressed, drinking too much coffee, smoking the occasional cigar with the boys, it is from my father, and his father, and my mom and her mother and her mother’s mother...ect. It is just natural, it happens to near everyone at some point in his or her lives. Most males become so insecure with this that they have comb over, take vitamins, buy expensive shampoo, use lotions to help regrow hair, wigs and hair pieces and the biggest most disturbing to me hair restoration.

When did this all start? This fascination with hair loss...in fact it has been shown that many athletes loose their hair because of high levels of testosterone (Extreme amounts of Manliness). I blame media and the shallow culture we thrive in, I blame the insecurities that are placed on us by our own vanity. The belief that we can buy a cure to all of the "problems" that throws at us. I put the most blame on the Television and the commercials that guys are bombarded with every 15 minutes, the result of watching TNT, ESPN, ect. They say hey don't want to end up being a bald basketball do you. Or show the before and after...I will contend those guys look no different other than the look on their face. The before guy always looks as though he has the biggest hangover in the world where as the after picture he looks as though he could have just won the lottery-Don't believe me take a look in 15 minutes when one of those commercials comes on.

GIRLS TKAE NOTICE!!!!! There are people who are making millions probably the same likeminded people who sell bone skinny models to be the only form of beauty. Girls buy into this just or more than guys do, the fact that in near ever add in a typically female-targeted magazine such as: Cosmo. Seventeen, ect. The ads are all skin and bone females wearing very little clothes. My sister even said, "My friend she is beautiful, she is tiny." As if tiny and beautiful are synonyms. I think everyone should wake up, turn off their TV, and focus on what is true. The movie shallow Hall I think has one of the best messages of any movie I have yet to see. It hits the main point that some of the most miserable people in the world are the ones that buy into material culture. Be cautious around those who are possessed by this they are perhaps the saddest people to grace the face of the earth.

Now another important reason is the practicality of being completely bald. I decided to shave my head is because I shaved my head while I was at Towson and I liked the way it felt. I liked the fact that when I woke up in the morning it was the best I was going to look all day. I didn't have to comb my hair, ha;), if it was windy no problem, Rain feels wonderful, It doesn't itch, I takes me 5 minutes to shave if I shave every 3-4 days or so. It saves on money; I don't have to buy shampoo, hair gel, brushes, and combs. It is also much cooler well that’s not a big concern in winter but with the cold you can always wear a hat and after awhile it feels the same as the difference between beard and no beard. I guess bottom line I just have more confidence this way. I don't have to worry about dandruff, less cutting remarks; find out is worth your time.

My next reason for shaving my head was the fact that I like the look. I think it is a very versatile look. It is a very original look as well if you look at the numbers those who do shave their head and those who are daring enough to try it and those who never will. Also I was loosing my hair anyway so I mean why not embrace it and see that it is not a big deal to loose ones hair. Next many people who are noteworthy rock the shaved head many of whom I think are kind of badass and definitely unique, Michael Stipe (REM), Darrius Rucker (hooter and the blow fish), Michael Jordan, Vin Diesel, Billy Corgan (smashing pumpkins), Moby, Bruce Willis, and most recently Jack Nickelson, and Natalie Portman, not worth really mentioning but yes Brittany Spears.

The main and perhaps most important reason my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer for the second time at this time of the year one year ago. My grandpa was my best friend; we had a bond that is hard to explain and even to comprehend. We could look at one another in the eyes and share a million words without uttering a sound. Soon after I would get this goofy grin on my face and he would return that smile, and before long we would erupt in laughter. It was beautiful, the understanding we had of each other. He made a lot of mistakes in his life but that was what made him so perfect. He was my hero; he was everything I ever wanted to be. He had 3 sons, 2 daughter, 20 some grandchildren and 12 great grandchildren when he passed away. But the people he touched in his life...it was incredible. He always made conversation and would talk for hours with the guy at the gas station, or a stranger in the street. My grandpa lived through the civil rights movement, he lived through the depression, Served in World War II as a Morse code operator. My grandpa was invincible to me, until I found out in early March that his cancer that had been stopped had came back stronger. He fought like hell, and I visited him every couple of weeks in the hospital. In fact he spend perhaps a total of 4 months in the hospital. I remember walking down corridor number 3 in the Hosp week after week. I remember distinctly feeling a part of me die each time I left not knowing for sure if that would be the last time I saw him. I remember the chemo and how it affected him. How it made him bitter and resentful how he yelled at my grandma. How terrible such a thing chemo is that it must attempt to slow or destroy cancer. I remember how my grandma stood all the time by his side night after night getting no sleep...while my grandpa suffered. I remember him sleeping all the time through the day and my grandma looking after him cooking him meals he could even touch. I remember how weak they got. I remember the first time I ever saw or heard of my grandma crying. It broke my heart. I was so relieved the day he passed, it was selfish for me to want him or my grandma to bear that pain. I didn't cry at all...as I placed my favorite lure that he gave me, for our fishing ventures, in his coffin. I told the best story I could one that made everyone in the church that day break out in laughter. I will tell whoever wants to hear all about it. Simple fact is...my grandpa lost all his hair through the chemo. I regret not shaving my head right with him while he was going through that. I have very few regrets but I regret that of the very few things I could do that I didn't do more. So to honor the greatest man I have ever known, I decide to shave my head.

In conclusion If you have read all of this so far you are either really bored, are Mad (like in the way Kerouach defines the term) or you are a literate person who takes time to notice things. So I don't expect this to be life changing or anything it's just a haircut but I guess if anything it's meant to be a statement to embrace oneself and just an attempt to feel comfortable. I hope that everyone understands that I do not long for my curly hair of my youth...that I am myself and that everyone should love me for who I am and finally those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.